Personal Growth (ver. XRCO)

[Verse 1] With you I stand, But for how long? For how long? But for how long? With you my colours raged, But for how long? For how long? For how long? [Extra verse added by XRCO] With you my candle burnt, My flame unquenchable, But for how long? For how long? But for how long? [Chorus] 'Cause I wouldn't watch you go and leave all that we know, But loves so hard to hold! 'Cause I wouldn't watch you go and leave all that we know, But loves so hard to hold!

Is it due to lack of emotions, Or an overload of it, That makes me upset, But surprisingly not depressed? Is it due to the friends I have, Or maybe it just hasn't hit me yet, As they say, but Yes, surprisingly not depressed? The separation of two people Who still love one another, The separation of two people Caused by the love for one another. I see no tears of sadness, But tears from yawning. I see nothing sad, As we both left, because we love each other. Perhaps we'll meet again As better people. Until then, Good bye. Sweet dreams, my love.

Fluctuations, plural, not singular. As such, I fluctuate. Happy. Sad. Excited. Depressed. Expressive. Solemn. Engaged. Withdrawn. At Peace. Within Anxiety. Lonely. Loved. I fluctuate, unpredictably. But some things are constant: Ability to unconditionally love others. Ability to laugh at anything. Ability to think uncontrollably. To stop the fluctuations, You've got to kill one side off. With unpredictability.

An attempt at a poem describing what the past few days were like. I am a smart individual, Yet I am worth less. My brain formulates plans and calculates in a snap, But my heart knows nothing much and is slow. I'm trying my hardest to become a better person. I love that. Constantly trying, constantly doing. Unconditionally. Better. Faster. Stronger. Wait- Makit harder, do it faster, makes us stronger, Harder. Bitter. Faster. Stronger. Then poof. You stop working, like a robot that's tangling itself in rope. You're trying too hard. Take a moment. No. Breathe a little. No. You know nothing. I have to do it or else we'll- Wait a moment. What? I may be worth less, but knowing God, is enough. Let him take the wheel and he just will. I am worthless. Rather worth less; God will make us more. Yes.

I'm usually good at holding in my emotions in the deepest parts of my heart and showing people what they want to see, except in front a very select few people. Today was unusually not one of those days, and I burst into singing and music at home - came home, chilled for a bit then decided to Google Cast my YouTube Music onto the TV to karaoke off it all night. Songs sung: O Fly On by Coldplay Everglow by Coldplay Lie by NF Let you down by NF Shallow by Lady Gaga, Bradley Cooper Hey, Soul Sister by Train Juicy by Notorious B.I.G . Titanium by David Guetta, Sia Creep by Radiohead Man Like You by Tom Misch It Runs Through Me by Tom Misch Come Out and Play by Billie Eillish Location Unknown by HONNE Until Morning by James Vickery Best Part by Daniel Caeser Love by DEAN Mercy by Jacob Banks April by Alxndr London This list is just during the after work karaoke sesh. During the day, I was much more stuck on Chris Tomlin's 'Good Good Father' and 'Is H...

A good night:  Going to bed at 11pm, falling asleep at 11.30pm, waking up at 7am, leaving for work at 8.45am. A bad night (equivalent to "not a good night"): Going to bed at 11pm, falling asleep at 2am, waking up at 4am, dozing off at 6am, leaving for work at 8.30am. Lonely. But as lonely as I may be, Anxiety, I do not want your company. The thoughts you bring, My dreams you destroy, The puddles of sweat you leave me in, The fatigue you drop as a gift, I do not want any of it. Leave me. God can keep you company if you want. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because he cares for you." -1 Peter 5:6-7-