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Not maybe. Yes.

When did I stop doing the good things in life in exchange for the things that put me back or stagnant in my career, my life? I talked to a friend today who always gives out positive vibes and feedback, motivates me to be the best version of me. Not because he wants something from me, but because I'm just around and put effort into hanging out with them. We're not the same age group, we're not in the same industry. We're just two blokes who played some games together when we were down in our lows (aka during the COVID pandemic).  Recently I've been thinking about feedback the people who care about me the most have been telling me. I might not have met them frequently or too much recently but they really know me the best too. They've been saying I've become different, but not necessarily in a good way. I've heard that I've become bogan, impatient, improper in speech, at first jokingly but I should have known better that they were notifying and warning ...
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Sunday Sermon - 27 Aug 2023

Now, I've been to church all my life and heard messages and wrote down notes and kept them to myself any time I did, but what good is that if only I read them, infrequently too. So I share with you, who are here to look for a little encouragement or hope, to be blessed like God has prepared for you to be.  I am a sinner. I am sinful in the eyes of God and probably in your eyes too. However I am saved by I grow and build my life in God. And so can you.  A Rock Solid Foundation Often times we try to shortcut the foundation of life - what we build our personalities around, what our core values are, what our reputation looks like, how we look - so that we can get things done cheap and quickly... Usually stories around this passage goes on about choosing between eternal life and death, but this week, we go on about choosing pain and death. Pain of our badly and weakly built foundations when the houses built on weak foundation, which end up crashing to the ground, vs Death, where we...
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White Flag

After cooling off and moving on in life, I've decided to try to find out who I really am in life. I like to see people, talk with them, be good and less good whenever I want, and I feel that I get to know more about myself, what I really want in life and what I look in the people around me. I've met some cool new people I wouldn't have been able to meet while in a serious relationship, and I've bonded with old friends as well, with less pressure being exerted on me. Not saying that I was given pressure by my ex-partner but rather something I gave to myself, because I did realise that sometimes I'm too nice to the people and they would misunderstand. Coming along to this thought, however, I did think about my ex again (I'm trying my hardest not to.. It's getting easier now). Things that should have come up as red flags during the relationship which I made excuses for. Things that we should have talked over. Things I did wrong. Things she did wrong. As I...
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Now Officially Winter

It's officially Winter in Sydney today. I was watching a musician's audition show today, when someone started playing a cover of Coldplay's 'Everglow'. The singer sang the chorus:   "Oh when I'm cold, coooold,     Oh when I'm cold, cold... " I got the chills and started to think of the weather chills we got recently. About how it came earlier than expected. I started to wonder why. It may have been caused by climate change. It might not have been anything special. To my sentimental current self, it felt as if it was due to the fires, the candles of love we once had had both been snuffed out, with not even the ashes remaining. The moment after a fire dies, You feel the lack of heat the most. Perhaps, that's why this winter feels colder than it may have been. Hopefully, one day, we can give each other warmth, through friendship and kindness. I need to look for warmth within myself now.
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Extract of "With You" by Tom Misch

[Verse 1] With you I stand, But for how long? For how long? But for how long? With you my colours raged, But for how long? For how long? For how long? [Extra verse added by XRCO] With you my candle burnt, My flame unquenchable, But for how long? For how long? But for how long? [Chorus] 'Cause I wouldn't watch you go and leave all that we know, But loves so hard to hold! 'Cause I wouldn't watch you go and leave all that we know, But loves so hard to hold!
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Separation

Is it due to lack of emotions, Or an overload of it, That makes me upset, But surprisingly not depressed? Is it due to the friends I have, Or maybe it just hasn't hit me yet, As they say, but Yes, surprisingly not depressed? The separation of two people Who still love one another, The separation of two people Caused by the love for one another. I see no tears of sadness, But tears from yawning. I see nothing sad, As we both left, because we love each other. Perhaps we'll meet again As better people. Until then, Good bye. Sweet dreams, my love.
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Fluctuations

Fluctuations, plural, not singular. As such, I fluctuate. Happy. Sad. Excited. Depressed. Expressive. Solemn. Engaged. Withdrawn. At Peace. Within Anxiety. Lonely. Loved. I fluctuate, unpredictably. But some things are constant: Ability to unconditionally love others. Ability to laugh at anything. Ability to think uncontrollably. To stop the fluctuations, You've got to kill one side off. With unpredictability.
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